**Dear Eric: Reflections on Recovery and Friendship**
I have been in recovery from alcohol addiction for almost 31 years. Needless to say, my life is wonderful and so much better compared to those years when I was active in my addiction. Recently, I was with someone who knew me before recovery. In a room full of people who didn’t know me very well, she told a story about how I was drunk, in a blackout, and stole something from someone.
Now, I don’t know if this even happened. However, I was so embarrassed and hurt by the fact that she would do this to me. She is my dear friend, and we have been friends for more than 50 years. I am really upset enough by this to just want to end the friendship. It’s really not the first time it’s happened. It seems to happen when we are with people who have just met me or don’t know me very well at all.
I would appreciate your thoughts on the matter.
— Not My Past
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**Dear Not My Past:**
Congratulations on your years of sobriety. Your friend may consciously or subconsciously resent the new life you’ve made for yourself, especially if she felt she got the short end of the friendship stick during your active addiction. But if those feelings exist, they’re on her side of the street.
Before you sever the friendship, consider having a conversation in which you explain how you felt hurt by her story and ask if she sees it the same way. She may not realize what she’s doing. If that’s the case, she should quickly apologize, acknowledge what she did that was hurtful, and seek to make it right going forward.
If she takes the position that it’s no big deal, however, you’re within your right to leave the past in the past — even if that means part of that past is your friendship.
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**Dear Eric: Sister Jealousy Over a Friend’s Visit**
My sister and I were once best friends. She has a friend from high school who was also her best friend. This friend and I have always gotten along and enjoyed each other’s company. Our friendship has progressed, and now my sister feels jealous and threatened by it.
I live on the West Coast, and they live in the Midwest. The friend has wanted to come visit me and has expressed this desire often. Now, my sister is beside herself, thinking this friend is trying to take her place. I have reassured her many times that this is not possible. Now my sister isn’t talking to me.
What should I do?
— Only One Sister
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**Dear Only One Sister:**
It sounds like a visit might be in order for you. Your sister’s emotions are hers to manage, but you can help by talking this out in person. Jealousy is natural—we all feel it from time to time. But we have to be responsible for what we do with it.
Is it reasonable for her to think she’s being replaced by her friend? No, but it speaks to some deeper insecurity or question she has about your relationship.
If you want to change things, you may need to show up and say, “I care about you, I feel hurt when you won’t talk to me. Can we get to the bottom of this?”
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**Dear Eric: Thoughts on Elder Abuse and Family Conflict**
This is the first time I have ever written in your column but the letter from “Not My Daughter” moved me to share. The writer, who described herself as disabled, was concerned about an upcoming visit from her terminally ill husband’s adult daughter. She states the daughter steals from their home and “has told my husband that she wants me to leave when she comes to visit.”
The writer was asking about secretly recording the daughter’s nasty comments and behavior. Eric, you were absolutely spot on to dissuade her from this potentially illegal method.
However, I’d like to add that this behavior strongly hints at elder abuse. I’d suggest she consider inviting another trusted adult friend or family member—maybe two or three—to be present when the daughter arrives. An advocate in the room might help curb the nasty comments and provide an extra set of eyes to prevent stealing. It’s her home, and there’s nothing illegal about having someone else there as a witness.
If hospice is involved, she can also ask a team member to be present to mediate and act on behalf of her husband. Hospice professionals are trained for issues much like this.
— Concerned Reader
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**Dear Concerned Reader:**
This is excellent advice, and I heartily agree. Moreover, having a friend or two or three in the home will provide more immediate support and more potential remedies than a recording ever would.
https://www.chicagotribune.com/2025/10/21/asking-eric-friend-drags-up-addiction-related-offenses-31-years-later/
